Books 

Beyond the Inkblots: Confusion to Harmony
by Dr. Valerie Allen

How to Help When Parents Grieve
by Holly Fox Vellekoop

The Boy Who Mattered
by Marshall Frank

Online 

Managing Your Moods and Emotions While Observing Social Distancing

Managing Your Moods and Emotions While Observing Social Distancing

It is often difficult to manage your mood and reduce your stress level while adhering to
social distancing during the COVID-19 pandemic.

You Should Know
The coronavirus pandemic has undoubtedly caused major disruptions in your life.
If you normally relieve stress by going to the gym, shopping at the mall, or getting
together with friends, you might feel isolated and lonely while adhering to social
distancing.

Without access to your usual coping tools, it might be more difficult to manage
stress and control your mood while experiencing sometimes high levels of distress.
Social distancing is counter intuitive to your basic need for connections with other
people. This connection not only soothes your nervous system, but also strengthens
your body’s defenses to stress.

The forced separation due to the COVID-19 pandemic might increase your distress and
anxiety as you become more focused on yourself and perceived ‘threats’ around you.
Here are suggestions to track your moods and cope with them in positive ways
during social distancing.

Please contact a therapist or physician if your distress is interfering with daily
functioning.

What to Do
There are number of things you can do to cope with stress and manage your moods
and emotions in healthy ways while observing social distancing. Begin by organizing
your day into time blocks of work, virtual/electronic social connecting, fun activities, and
rest and relaxation.

Reach Out

• Connect with friends and family by phone or email.
• Share your concerns and feelings with people you trust.
• Use Face Time to have a video chat with a group of friends or family.
• Play board games with family members.
• Play with your pet.
• Commit to at least one phone call, email, or text per day to connect with someone.

Physical Activity

• Many gyms are offering free virtual fitness coaching and exercise videos.
• Stream a fitness video on YouTube.
• Go for a walk or jog.
• Lift hand weights or soup cans.
• Practice deep breathing or meditation, using an app or online video.

Express Your Creativity

• Journal, write poetry, or express yourself through  music, art, or crafts.
• Cook a healthy meal or a special treat.
• Take an online class or watch an instructional video.
• Attend free online virtual museum tours, free live streams of concerts (includingthe Metropolitan Opera), and other entertainment.
• Catch up on all those magazines and books you want to read.

Start a Project

• Complete something you've been putting off.
• Reorganize the basement, attic, garage, edior storage area.
• Paint a room, clean out the closets, rearrange the kitchen cabinets.
• Finish a do-it-yourself home repair project.

Observe Your Spirituality

• Attend services at houses of worship via streaming services and online videos.
• View free classes on mindfulness and meditation through Kripalu, Shambhala Mountain Center, and other retreat centers’ websites.
• Practice Yoga
• Participate in an online prayer or Bible Study group

Adapted from Between Sessions

Connections: Teens-Work-Money

Connections: Teens-Work-Money

As teens approach adulthood there some basic aspects of independent living they must learn

before heading out into the big world beyond family, friends, and high school. Responsibilities

and expectations often go undiscussed. In regard to financial matters many teens seem to believe

somehow the Good Fairy will provide. To prepare your teen for the risks and rewards he or she

will be facing here are some talking points:

1. Life at 18+: What are your expectations for your adult child? Do you plan to allow

him/her to continue to live at home? What house rules will you have in place? If violated,

what are the consequences? Will you be strong enough to enforce the stated

consequences if needed? If allowed to continue to live in your home, consideration

should be given to rules, mutual respect, use of appliances, sharing food, noise control,

curfews, smoking, drugs, alcohol, overnight visitors, household chores, and financial

contribution to the household, to name a few.

2. College, Training, Employment: What are your concerns about him or her continuing

their education? Is college in the plans? Vocational/certificate programs? Peace

Core/Military? Do you expect full time education after high school? Should they have a

part time job while in school? How about a full time job combined with part time school?

What is the consequence if he or she makes no real effort to attend classes or earn passing

grades? What happens if they can't find a job or get fired or quit unexpectedly? Do you

have a deadline in place if your expectations are not met? Are you ready to help him or

her on the big moving out day?

3. Transportation and Insurance: Does your youngster have a driver's license? Will you

allow him or her to use your vehicle? If so this needs to be reported to your insurance

carrier. Will you provide a car and auto insurance? Who owns the car? Is it a gift or do

you expect him or her to pay you back for the car? Will you charge interest? Will they

have to pay for their own car insurance, even if it is added to your insurance plan? Will

you allow use of the car other than for school or employment? Will you allow them to

have passengers, either under or over 18 years of age? Do you expect them to run errands

for you, perhaps take a sibling to school, sports, or other activities?

4. Volunteering and Employment: Young adults should be up and out of the house, engaged

in a worthy pursuit, whether in an educational program, as a volunteer, or as a paid

employee. The benefits are similar, with the exception of remuneration. All require a

level of commitment, to be on time, to be dressed appropriately, to complete tasks, and to

meet quality control issues. Benefits include learning new skills, interacting with people

of all ages and differing skill level, following directions, taking the initiative, being

respectful, and showing support.

5. Money and Financial Responsibilities: The important foundation of money management

includes these tasks, spend wisely, avoid debt, and build savings. Their money is just

that, theirs. You cannot legally have any say so in how much they earn, how much they

spend, or what they can and cannot purchase. You can specify their financial

responsibilities while living in your home. This might include their car payment and

insurance, purchasing their own food, paying rent or a portion of the utility bills, paying

for use of the washer and dryer, and so on. You can also disallow items in your home that

you do not approve of even if they bought it with their own money.

These are a few of the important points to discuss with your young adult to assist them to adjust

to their new role in life. Clear communication will put them on a positive forward track and

avoid conflict with family members.

~ ~ ~

Dr. Valerie Allen is a psychologist and author. She has published a self-help book, Beyond the Inkblots: Confusion to Harmony, two children’s chapter books, Summer School for Smarties and Bad Hair, Good Hat, New Friends,  and a picture book for beginning readers, The Sun and The Moon. Oh  yes, she has also raised six children!

Welcome! Thank you for your interest. Please contact me at DoctorValerieAllen@gmail.com